CV of Failure: Female Travel Blogger Edition

Welcome to my cover letter of failures, a display of the failures that make me cringe. Mom and Dad, you’re going to wanna sit down for this one. We’re going to take a look at my academic failures, travel failures, blogging failures, and then end with the most embarrassing: personal failures. Buckle up.

Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Someone sent me this idea and said I should do it. Challenge accepted.

The CV of Failures movement was started by a Princeton University professor, Johannes Haushofer, in 2016. He decided to share his “failures resume” online after sharing it in his classroom for years. It went viral. To read Haushofer’s CV of Failures, click here.

I decided to put my own spin on it and talk about ALL failures. Because, why not take it one step further?

Warning: some of these things may be triggering (relationships, pregnancy, assault, FAILURE). If you’re not in the right headspace right now, skip this one.

Personal update: I spent 4 hours today watching the birth of my niece. My best friend since 2nd grade gave birth to the most beautiful tiny human in the world. It was wild and amazing. It put everything into perspective. I’ve been crying all day thinking about how goddamn wonderful life is. Women are amazing creatures. WE PUSH LIFE OUT OF US! CREATE CHILDREN! Somehow we end up beating ourselves up over the small stuff. You’re amazing. We’re all amazing. *raises fist in the air*

Now, let’s dive in!

Academic Failures

Younger Years

• Was placed in lower-level reading in 5th grade (I was terrified to read out loud or talk in front of the class)
• Didn’t make the volleyball team in junior high (huge upset)
• pulled from a pom’s competition my senior year of high school (HUGE UPSET – Coach Batterton, I’m still upset)
• Completely froze during a solo dance performance and stood there for 10+ seconds with hundreds of mortified faces looking at me
• A high school teacher told me I would never pass college
• 70% class attendance in high school (mix of illness and rebellion)

University

• 50% class attendance in college (laziness)
• Failed my Micro Economics course (almost twice)
• Graduated a semester late
• Denied from the following organizations and jobs:
  • A business fraternity x 2
  • Dance Club performance squad
  • Student Career Advising position
  • Admissions Student Leader position
  • Dance Marathon leadership position
• Got demoted as president of an organization for being a horrible effing leader (If you’re reading this and you were in that organization, I’m sorry!!)
• Haven’t paid off much of $20,000 student debt (MAYBE a $1,000, graduated in 2013 for reference)

Job Failures

• 15+ jobs quit
• 10+ horrible jobs (ex: You Forgot The Share Plates)
• Fired as a bartender for getting too drunk and dancing with customers
• Got written up for storming out of a job in the heat of the moment after a 13-hour serving shift with no break (still triggering)
• Labeled as the “worst server ever” by 5+ customers
• Forgot to ring in orders 50+ times and lied to the customer saying it was the chef’s fault (I’m sorry chef)
• Cried 10+ times at various jobs
• Got hired for an unpaid internship position and ghosted them
• Taught an hour-long Zumba class with only one person in the class (a few classes no one showed up)

I won’t even get into the failures I experienced while teaching abroad. But, I promise to share on a later date. <3

Travel Failures

These are fun.

• Went to the airport on the wrong day
• Got locked out of my home in Antigua
• Sexually Assaulted in Santa Marta (this isn’t a personal failure, but seemed important to share)
• Got fired from my first work exchange for a hit and run accident
• Came home to the US with almost no money X 3 (once with a negative account)
• Got sick with traveler’s diarrhea and thought I was going to die X 3
• Fought abroad with my ex-boyfriend for 8 months in South and Central America breaking up in every country we visited 
• Quit 4 work exchanges early
• Cried in 10+ countries (aka every country)
• Been taken advantage of by a couch surfing host (again, not a personal failure, but seemed important to share)
• 5+ failed foreign love affairs
• 2+ disappointed family members who believe I’m wasting my college degree (potentially more)
• 20+ people have told me *insert destination* is not safe to travel to or it’s not safe to travel in general as a woman (all lies)

Blog Failures

• Started a blog with no prior knowledge and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. After 2 years, I finally decided to learn the basics *deep breaths* click here for the course that saved my life
• Didn’t understand what a hosting site was for the first year
• Changed with domain and messed up my entire website
• Received zero comments and likes on NUMEROUS blog posts
• Spent 8+ hours on posts that flopped X A LOT
• Received 10+ disapproving private messages and judgy comments from my Monogamy is Dead post
• Unfollowed by TONS of friends and family members on social media (and of course, tons and tons of strangers)
• Yelled at by past partners and friends for taking too many photos, posting too much on Instagram, and being on my phone too much
• Afraid to post every blog post that is published (Yes, even after 4 years)
• Terrified before posting every YouTube video (I NEVER watch them back)
• 50+ unpublished blogs and YouTube videos
• Questioned things 100+ times
• Felt stupid SO MANY TIMES
• Came up with 10000+ ideas and only executed tens of them out of fear and procrastination
• 10+ family members wondering when I’m going to get a real job, grow up, and settle down

Personal Failures

• 20+ failed relationships
• 10+ failed friendships
• 1 terminated pregnancy
• Stayed in relationships way too long
• Lived on my best friend’s couch X 3
• Signed a year lease with someone out of desperation then realized a month in it was a horrible decision and moved out and had to pay rent for 3 months on a place I wasn’t living in
• Signed a year lease with my ex-boyfriend and broke up a month into the lease and had to pay rent for a place I wasn’t living in
• Drunkenly fell off a speaker at a bar and cut my face open
• Got locked out of my apartment and had to pay a locksmith $100+ to break-in (this has happened more than once)
• Lost my car downtown Chicago for a week (I’m serious)
• 20+ times I wanted to come out to certain friends and family members and chickened out

The list goes on. I’m sure you get the point.

I recently watched this video (don’t remember where) about a father who would ask his kids about their daily fails. Every night at the dinner table he would ask, “what did you fail at today?” The more failures, the more high fives distributed. He explained that if you’re not failing, you’re not trying new things. The more you put yourself out there, the more failure you will endure.

With that being said, cheers mate to a lifetime of failures and trying new things. I commend you for applying to that job, falling in love, and doing things that scare the shit of you. You’re amazing and I love you. <3

I challenge you to create a CV of failures. Take a look at everything that could have stopped you, but didn’t. Let me know how it goes! One more thing: I challenge you to post yours as well! (tag me if you do! I’d love to read it!)

xoxo,

Court

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