Life Update: April 2020

I’ve gone through so many life changes in April, I wasn’t sure when or how to share. I’m usually super open about everything, but I needed time to mourn and process before sharing. I hope this post helps in some way and maybe you’re able to relate to something.

Anyways, I’m just going to get right into it.

We broke up.

I’ll start here and get this out of the way. I wanted to talk about this earlier but I didn’t know how. If you’ve been following my journey awhile, you may have noticed my handsome travel-mate. After almost 4 years together, we broke up a couple of weeks ago. For the sake of his privacy I won’t go into much details. But, I’m okay (for the most part). One of the hardest things to do is let go of someone you love. It wasn’t a fight or anything crazy, just a knowing that our next chapter wasn’t together. He’s an amazing person and we built incredible memories together. It’s one of the most difficult and emotional things I’ve been through. (If you’ve been through a break-up, I’m sure you can relate.)

I believe in multiple soulmates. I believe people come into your life and are there for the perfect amount of time. They teach you necessary lessons about yourself and the world. Sometimes it’s easier to hold on to soulmates even when you know in your heart that it’s time to move on. I held on for awhile, but I think we both knew it was time.

I turned 29.

It was a weird birthday. I spent the day at work chasing after 4 and 5 year olds. It was the kid’s first day back at school in a month. Everyone was stressed and things were chaotic. My coworkers were sweet and wished me many happy birthdays. My coworker gathered all my favorite snacks and put them on my desk. Another coworker bought me a bottle of wine. I had so many messages of love from back home. Thank you to my coworkers, friends, and family, you made my day. *tears*

Truth is, I was single for the first time in years and I was alone in my apartment questioning the meaning of life (lol dramatic, I know). I cried in the shower before work to a Whitney Houston song. (lol) After work, I cried some more.

It was a birthday of release and a step into a new chapter of my life.

My Mom had a life-changing accident.

I got a text from my mom saying she was in the ER and my stomach dropped. Long story short, she got into a car accident, got whiplash and didn’t realize. Weeks later, she had a seizure while working out and hit her head again. She had a brain bleed and was forced to take 6 months off of work.

This is the first time I’ve been abroad where something has happened to a loved one. I felt completely powerless. When I was 8 years old, my parents got divorced. Growing up I lived full-time with my mom, she’s my best friend and biggest cheerleader. She’s always been super independent and pushed me to go live my dreams. It was horrifying to see her go through this.

I flew back to the US

I don’t remember what day it was, but I received a call from my mom (or maybe I called her). She pretty much told me to come the fuck home and I listened. She wasn’t doing well and was open about it. She also knew I wasn’t happy.

So, I bought a ticket and a couple days later I was in the US.

What now?

I moved in with my mom. She lives in a two-bedroom condo outside of Chicago. I’m taking over her “meditation/yoga room” and turning it into my temporary bedroom. I’m on day 3 of my 14-day self quarantine. My mom’s doing better, but she can’t drive and is on seizure medication. Right now, she’s working through the emotional piece of going through a traumatic experience.

Two questions I get all the time:

1. Aren’t you worried about infecting your mom with COVID? The elephant in the room is that it’s not safe or smart to travel right now. I do NOT recommend traveling. From my blog post, “Why I Chose to Stay in Korea,” you know I was happy and willing to stay in Korea. I still believe countries who handled COVID-19 well like Korea are the safest place to be. At the same time, times like this put everything into perspective and I feel like I did the right thing. Like I said, I am self-quarantined, taking my temperature daily, and being extra cautious.

2. What are you going to do for work? (If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me this….) I hope this moment in history educates everyone that you can make money and earn a living online (as a freelancer, blogger, digital marketer, online teacher, etc.) Regardless, during a pandemic and everything that’s happened this month, the last thing I’m worried about is jumping into something else. I got my stimulus check, have some money saved, and I make a little money off my blog. (And I’m not paying rent, thank you, Mother.) My priorities are spending quality time with my mom and family/helping her with things around the house, working on my mental health, and diving into my passion projects.

My plan is to stay for a few months (or however long is necessary) then fly back to Asia.

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Thank you for listening (or reading?). Again, I hope this helps you in some way. If you are moving back from abroad, going through a break-up, or dealing with a sick loved one, feel free to reach out. DM me on Instagram @courtneytheexplorer or e-mail me at he***@co*****************.com. I’m here. Take care and stay safe.

Love you. x