WARNING: Love is Blind is Triggering AF

Love is Blind? The dating show? Triggering? Really Courtney? Whether you’re triggered by dating shows or not, Love is Blind specifically had some important themes that we NEED to talk about. #quarantinechat

Dating shows are my guilty pleasure (you too?). I’m a die-hard Bachelor fan. I rode the Too Hot To Handle train (it’s good!!). And most recently binge-watched Love is Blind in just 2 painful, exciting days. *nervous laughs*

For those who didn’t watch/are living under a rock: the concept of the show is dating and falling in love blind. Think speed dating but in separate rooms (pods) with a thin wall dividing you and your future husband or wife.

The singles date, fall in love, propose, THEN meet face to face. The newly engaged couples go on a trip to Mexico to further test their relationships. Then, they move in together. And finally, they say I do (or I don’t).

*DRAMATIC MUSIC*

Before we dive into the triggering themes of Love is Blind, let me hit you with one disclaimer that I’m sure you already know:

Love is Blind is a reality TV show. Yes, they are real people, but situations and personalities can be twisted. *cough* producers *cough* Therefore, I often refer to them as characters. Bullying and personal attacks are never okay (except if your name starts with a T and ends with a RUMP.)

Okay, let’s jump in!!!

Rejection for Being Bisexual

Carlton Morton and Diamond Jack fall in love. He proposes. They go to Mexico together. Everything seems perfect. But, Carlton has a secret. He’s bisexual… and he’s nervous to tell Diamond. He doesn’t want to be rejected. *triggered*

I am a queer woman. It’s scary (and annoying) to have to come out again and again. When is the right time? Is it a deal-breaker? Is it necessary? Will the person judge me? GAH! I’m sure we can all think of something we feel awkward telling new partners.

I empathize with Carlton’s fear and hesitation. Bisexual men especially are ridiculed. If you would have asked me 10 years ago what I thought about bisexual men, I would have said they are gay. Bisexual men are just hiding in the closet, afraid to be themselves. At that point in time, I was the one hiding in the closet. I projected my fears on an entire group of people. PSA: bisexual men are real and legitimate.

Being a bisexual woman, I recognize my privilege. I’ve never received criticism from male partners. For the most part, they are excited about my “sexual adventurousness.” It’s different, it’s unique, it’s “cool.” *eye rolls* On the other hand, I’m terrified to tell lesbian women that I go both ways. I have a fear of not being gay enough for gay women. They might think I’m just experimenting, not really sure of who I really am.

I’m proud of Carlton for coming out and giving bisexual people visibility. Thank you. That takes major guts, especially as a black man.

In the end, Carlton and Diamond didn’t end up together. Carlton waited too long to tell Diamond. Diamond reacted. Then, Carlton reacted. Things got ugly.

Sometimes it feels safer to destroy love before it can destroy you.

Lesson: Be upfront from the start. Be yourself. If people judge you or don’t love you because of who you are, WALK AWAY! They aren’t your people.

Seeking Approval from Parents and Family

Matt Barnett and Amber Pike fall in love. They move in together and meet each other’s family. Barnett is nervous and fears judgment from his conservative family. Barnett’s family sits in (awkward) silence while he proclaims his love for Amber. His mother looks terrified and concerned. *triggered*

Barnett and his protective older brother talk privately. Barnett talks in circles without taking a single breath. “I’m really ready for marriage! She’s the one!” he says (or something along those lines). His brother keeps trying to convince him otherwise.

If your parents or siblings don’t trust your judgment, they never will.

At a certain point, we need to detach from the toxic need for external validation and validate ourselves. (This is mostly a reminder for me. lol)

Lesson: the only person you need to convince is yourself. But, if you need convincing, is it even the right thing? Trust your intuition.

“I have the money, the house, the career, all I need is the husband”

Jessica Batten is in her mid-thirties, has a successful career, a nice house, etc. She’s got it ALL except for a beautiful husband and a baby. So, she’s on the hunt. Jessica just wants a beautiful, athletic, Christian, over 6 foot, successful, between the ages of 30-33 years old, sports-loving, dog-loving, perfect, NON EXISTENT MAN.

Jessica wasn’t happy. But, she could be happy IF she found a husband (that met all of her criteria).

Let me share something personal. In Korea, “I had it all.” A career, an apartment, money, security, a beautiful boyfriend, etc and it’s the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my life. I was living abroad, something I thought would bring me happiness. It didn’t. And you know why? Because I wasn’t living my truth. I was ignoring my instincts and running away from my dreams.

The sooner we realize that money + career + husband + house DOES NOT equal happiness, the sooner we can all just be happy. Happiness is not a byproduct of a successful career or a million dollars or a mansion. Happiness comes from self-love, self-compassion, self-fulfillment, doing the things you love, and loving your damn self.

I’m not saying all this because I’m perfect. I’m barely starting to scratch the surface. But, what I do know is this: for the first time in my life, I’m listening to that voice inside myself and falling in love with myself. Self and I go on walks, read, write, and do all the things we love. I’m finally allowing myself to cuddle with my dreams. It’s a journey and a life-long process.

Lesson: after almost 30 years of life, all I know for certain is that a partner will never complete you. Only you can.

Parental Pressure to Procreate

Please say “parental pressure to procreate” 3 times then send me the video.

Moving on.

Ladies, let’s all just take a big deep breath and say a prayer. Lord, give us the strength to not be triggered by parents who treat their daughters as breeding, marrying machines. Amen.

Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton fall in love on the show. They seem perfect for each other. Lauren is about to introduce Cameron to her mother. Lauren and her mother are having a conversation in the kitchen before Cameron’s arrival. Lauren says, “all my life you’ve been saying, you gotta get a husband. LAUREN! You’re single. You need a husband. Your eggs are drying up. You need to have kids.” Her mother laughs and says, “finally.”

*deep breaths*

Lauren has a successful career, seems independent, and happy. She’s a beautiful, radiant human. And the only thing her mother sees is ovaries. Poor, old ovaries.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but let me just go ahead and say this: you do not need to have babies or get married if you don’t want to. If your parents are pressuring you to get married or have babies, it is okay and necessary to set a boundary. For parents pressuring their kids: I understand you are excited to have grandchildren and see your daughter accomplish everything you want her to. She is her own lovely, smart person. Please give her the space to follow her path (not yours).

Stop asking people when they are going to get married and PLEASE stop asking people when they are going to have a baby. It’s not okay.

(Feel free to forward this to anyone and everyone.)

My mother, father, and stepmom have never asked me those questions. Thank you. I love you. But, I have been asked this by family. Although I have stated multiple times my passport is my baby and my 60L backpack is my husband. They might never listen and well, that in itself is a lesson.

Lesson: set clear boundaries with family and friends. And let’s all make a pact that we will stop asking people about getting married or having a kid. I know it’s tempting (I’m guilty as well). But, it’s not okay.

Self Identity and Worth Determined by Your Career

“What do you do for a living?” is usually the second question that people ask. It’s a defining question. After people hear what you do, they put you into a certain category or box. Your career is you. You are your career.

Jessica Batten and Mark Cuevas fall in love. Jessica is 34 and Mark is 24. Jessica works as a regional manager and Mark is a personal trainer. Jessica works more, makes more money. Mark is not so sure about his career path. Jessica mentions her career about 358 times. Their age and wage gap become an issue in their relationship.

There’s a part of the population that confidently states their career: usually accountants, doctors, nurses, CEOs, maybe actors. “Normal jobs.”

Repeat after me: Hello, my name is __________ and what I do for a living or how much money I make does not determine my self worth or identity.

For the writers, artists, creators, entrepreneurs, influencers, travelers: I see you. I am you. What you’re doing is amazing. It’s okay if your friends and family don’t get it.

(Again, this is maybe just for me. If you can’t relate, keep moving. lol)

Lesson: Write your affirmations and don’t listen to anyone.

Emotional and Mental Abuse in Relationships

Name-calling, yelling, manipulation, gaslighting, oh my!

There was a buffet of slight emotional and mental abuse during the season. Gigi yelling at Damian. Jessica going back and forth with Mark. Carlton calling Diamond a b*tch. The cast was not perfect and quite frankly, no one is.

I think it can be, dare I say, therapeutic to watch dating shows. I saw myself in Giannina Gibelli (Gigi). She initially blamed her temper on her family. “This is just the way I am.” I used that line for too many years. It’s a good one. A safe one.

It’s hard to grow up and dissect dysfunctional behaviors. Truth is, hurt people hurt people. If you are hurting people, there’s more self-work to do. It’s a journey. Trust me, I’m on it. #quarantinewokeness

Lesson: emotional and mental abuse is never okay. If you think you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, click here for more information and resources.

Women Need to Be Protected and Taken Care Of

Cher’s famous interview replays in my mind. In the interview, Cher explains a time her mother said to her, “you know sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.” She pauses with ease and says, “Mom, I am a rich man.” *mic drop*

During Amber’s family visit, Amber’s mother asks Barnett to protect her daughter. Amber is one of the strongest women on the show, both physically and mentally. She’s unapologetically herself and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Amber’s mother, I think Amber is the one protecting Barnett.

As a millennial, there are two polar ideas we must live up to. On one end, we grew up with Destiny’s Child preaching for us to be I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. GIRL POWER! On the other end, we have society (or maybe our mother or grandmother) telling us to find a man for protection. We are not safe without the muscles of a strong man! We will be mugged and thrown into trafficking without the safety of a penis! Run for your lives!!!!!

But, wait who’s the one mugging and raping us? Who are the ones running international trafficking schemes….?

Lesson: solo travel the world. (lol yes, that’s my conclusion.) Might as well do what you want, we’re screwed either way.

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What other triggers did you have while watching Love is Blind? Who was your favorite? What did I miss? What did you love? Hate? Comment below!

Also, side note: I’m a travel blogger and we’re not talking about traveling. Whoops. Do you like these kinds of posts? Comment below!

Thanks for reading, xoxo