Twenty Seven

Twenty-seven years of life. It feels good. I refuse to say I’m old or “oh my god I’m so close to 30!” I have yet to even see my first grey hair. I see 40 and 50-year-olds completing iron man races. I see 90-year-old yoga instructors. I still feel so young.

To those in their early 20s excited to have everything figured out at 27. Yo, it’s probably not going to happen. I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I’m still not ready for kids or marriage or even a puppy (although I want puppies and kitty children). I’m still in a self discovery stage of my life which I’m not sure ever ends. I know right now I’m not ready for those things. To be honest, I see elders in their 50s still trying to figure out life. Acceptance of the unknowing comes true happiness. This is something I am still struggling with. I admit I try to better myself everyday to the point where it is not healthy. I put this pressure on myself to always be learning. Never settle. I think my generation was taught to be like this. It takes away from my present. This year I want to dedicate more time away from my phone, away from mass information, and just live in the now. To actually practice what I preach and sit and meditate. Now, don’t get me wrong, learning is wonderful, but it’s okay to pause for moment.

I’d like to clear up something, friends who have 2 kids and a husband, I never want you to feel like I’m looking down on your lifestyle. I also don’t want you to praise mine. We are both on our own journeys. I truly believe our life is chosen for us. Do not feel guilty or resentful of others with different life paths. There are times that I’m jealous of those with nice apartments or cute pets. Or people who have a career that fulfills them.

Travel The F*cking World

For those of you who feel any drive to travel, do it. Regardless of your fears or hurdles, do it. Take that leap of faith. I’m talking directly to those who have thought about taking a solo backpacking trip but are afraid to do it by themselves, DO IT! It’s also a perfect excuse to quit your job that you hate or get out of a relationship you are not satisfied with. And I’ve seen families travel together, it’s all possible. Darien and I met parents and a 3 year old traveling by bicycle around South America It’s a bit crazy, but definitely possible. I’ll be the first to admit traveling is not glamorous. It’s stressful and frustrating. But it’s fulfilling. It’s growth. It’s breath taking. And for me, it’s necessary. I know this is what I’m suppose to be doing. Our generation no longer has the privilege to travel after we retire. For the majority of us, there is going to be no such thing as retirement. We are going to have student debt until we die. We won’t have a retirement party or buy property in Florida and play cards in our retirement community. We will always have to work in some fashion. For all the older generations who don’t understand why so many millennials are “wasting” our education and traveling. We are enjoying our retirement. Retirement is at least 10 years? I’m on year 4. We are seeing and learning about the world now versus later. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll want to couch surf or climb volcanos when I’m 70. Maybe.

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When I was back in the states, working all the time, saving for this trip; I thought to myself on numerous occasions; I could stop traveling and find a full time job using my degree. I could go to grad school and find a job I would really like. I could save my money and buy a car and a house. I could get married soon. I see it. But fast forward to right now. I’m in Cali, Colombia, the salsa dancing capital of the world. Darien and I worked out at the local gym, ate delicious vegan food for lunch, worked on our blogs, then went to a group salsa class. I lay in bed saying to myself what the fuck was I thinking?

Every year I’m becoming a little less censored, less afraid to say what’s on my mind. There are topics I’d love to talk about that I am still hesitant to. For example, I love reading about sex, relationships, and sexuality. I was a teaching assistant for a sexuality class in college and it was life changing. Sexuality, sex, and relationships are such necessary topics to talk about, but we are shameful and afraid to. I have not found the courage or right platform to share my opinions or information I find important. I’m afraid what my parents might think or about my parents and family even reading about me talking about sex. AH! Yes, my mother is liberal and ate organic before it was cool, but we didn’t grow up talking about sex freely. So here I am talking about sex on my blog. *anxiety*

Relationship Struggles

This year has been like no other. I’m in a committed relationship. I never thought I could give myself to someone completely. It’s terrifying. And we’re backpacking South America together. How fricking terrifying. But wonderful. I put a lot of effort into being a better partner this year. Darien and I met and almost immediately decided to travel together, then I moved in with him 2 months later.

Within the first year, we almost broke up a couple times. I had so many doubts about traveling with him. It’s really scary to take that leap of faith with someone. Darien is absolutely wonderful, like over the top just a beautiful person inside and out. His energy and soul is so magnetic and powerful. I know this sounds crazy, but the few times we have meditated together, his energy took my breath away.

With intense relationships comes extreme highs and unfortunately extreme lows. I have experienced important lessons and growth within my relationship that I didn’t even know I needed. As females, I think we encourage one another to take time for ourselves, be single, do you! In other words, work on yourself outside of relationships to truly experience self-growth. I think growth opportunities are in both relationships and in being single. I’d say don’t listen to others, be in situations that feel right for you. I have faced an incredible amount of demons in my current relationship. My ego takes over and I have to actively tell her to shut up. My selfish personality that helps me progress in life hindered my relationship. I had to learn to be caring and patient as well as understanding and communicative. Instead of dismissing my negative behavior, I learned to question it.

A lot of my childhood and past relationships have a huge impact on my relationship. My argument style is aggressive and overbearing. I yell, I scream, all behaviors I witnessed growing up. I felt used in past relationships and experiences so I spent a lot of years trying to use men, have the upper hand. These behaviors are counterproductive and unacceptable in relationships. All the years I spent learning those behaviors, I am now trying to recognize them and actively unlearn them. It’s a journey, but I’m very proud of my progress and self-awareness I have gained.

Going Vegan

This year has also been my first (almost) full year of being vegetarian/80% vegan/plant-lovin’. My favorite foods in college were wings, pepperoni pizza bagels, bbq pulled pork sandwiches, and double cheeseburger meals from McDonalds. I even was in a relationship with a guy whose passion in life was deer hunting. I worked at a smokehouse bbq restaurant where everything on the menu was meat. That’s all I ate. Vegetarianism and veganism never crossed my mind. I can honestly 100% say I do not miss meat at all. The change didn’t happen overnight. I was eventually at a point where I didn’t eat much meat then decided to let go of it for good (after reading the book Happy Vegan). I have discovered a love for cooking throughout this journey. Flavor is everything to me. Vegan cooking is amazing and delicious. There are substitutes for everything you might crave. I am grateful for my decision. It’s one of those things you really don’t understand until you do it. I used to think it was an extreme lifestyle choice. Now, I can’t imagine going back. I don’t see the need to eat meat. This year I’ve lost weight, gained more muscle all without animal protein. I don’t think it’s a lifestyle for every single human on the planet, but I think the planet and everyone can benefit from less meat and dairy consumption. I think knowledge is power, especially when it comes to health. I see our health care system taking advantage of friends and family, giving out prescription medicine like candy. I used to have chronic UTIs and yeast infections, at least one/month in college. If you’ve never suffered from them, be grateful. UTIs are literally the worst. After going mostly vegan and being on a regular probiotic, I’ve had maybe one in the last year. I had talked to my gynecologist about taking antibiotics regularly to maintain my UTIs. I struggled for a good 9 to 10 years wondering why my body did this to me. Why didn’t my doctor talk to me about nutrition? I’ve seen and talked to so many people who changed their diets and their disease and illnesses improve or go away. I met two older women in Guatemala who cured their cancer with diet and meditation. I’ve watched so many documentaries of people curing themselves with diet. Why aren’t our doctors implementing this? Our country cares more about money than about us. And THIS is why I don’t like my country. Why I’m embarrassed to tell people I’m American.

I’d love to go on ranting about our healthcare system and government, but I’ll stop for now, because I’m starting to sweat and turn red. Lol <3

Related article: Why I Went Vegan & How You Can Too

Thank You.

I’m going to be corny for a second and thank all the people that have impacted me this year. I met some outstanding human beings at Cheesecake Factory that made working and saving for this trip bearable. Y’all are over the top talented, smart, beautiful individuals. I gained true friendships and felt love from so many coworkers. It means so much that you guys read my blog and write encouraging comments to me on Facebook. It motivates me to keep pursuing what I love. Also, thank you best friends. The ones who have stuck around through my many phases and loved me unconditionally.

Thank you, Mom and Dad for giving me life. And everyone who has encouraged and inspired me. I am privileged to be surrounded by so many positive influences.

Thank you to my angels Allen and Brenda who motivate me to be grateful for life and love in the physical world. Allen, you remind me to love hard. And Brenda, you remind me to be authentic and live fearlessly. <3

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A post shared by Courtney | Travel Blogger (@courtneytheexplorer) on Nov 16, 2019 at 8:25pm PST

Cheers to twenty-seven! Happy birthday to all my fellow Aries! Let your fire out this month, the world needs our warmth. 🙂